Work diligently on the causes (e.g., creating and promoting your work) but release attachment to specific outcomes, as you cannot control the results in a chaotic universe, leading to greater sanity.
Even in small moments, like holding back a thought in a conversation, avoid self-abandonment; consistently honoring your true desires and self in minor instances builds confidence for larger situations.
When you feel triggered or strongly angry by something, use it as an opportunity to explore what’s truly going on within yourself and why it elicits such a strong reaction.
To open up and change aspects of yourself that you dislike, first learn to love and accept those same traits in your family members.
Instead of rejecting or pretending certain parts of yourself or your family don’t exist, strive to accept all aspects of who you are.
Instead of seeking external validation or begging to be chosen (“pick me” energy), cultivate a sense of inner contentment and self-worth (“don’t pick me” energy) that comes from being happy with yourself.
Recognize that imposter syndrome and holding yourself back can stem from an underlying desire to compete and a fear of losing, which can prevent you from participating fully.
If you find yourself reacting hysterically or with extreme intensity to a situation, recognize that the strong reaction likely stems from unresolved issues or conditioning from your past.
Stop punishing yourself by dwelling on past mistakes; instead, accept that you acted as you were meant to at the time and focus your energy on future opportunities and attempts.
Continuously remind yourself that as long as you keep trying, there will always be another chance, fostering resilience and encouraging you to persist despite setbacks.
Engage in daily practices like meditation, therapy, sufficient sleep, and deliberate relationship work to stay grounded and remember to act for the benefit of others, not just selfish purposes.
Actively put yourself in situations where discomfort is unavoidable, such as public speaking or launching new projects, as a way to grow and challenge yourself despite fear.
Be willing to admit embarrassing things about yourself, as it not only feels good for you but also helps others by normalizing shared human struggles.
When someone expresses concern or negativity towards you, consider it a projection of their own feelings and respond with affirmation (e.g., “you’re perfect just the way you are”) to both them and yourself.
When speaking, ask yourself, “What would I write about this moment right now?” to immediately connect with your true thoughts and feelings, breaking out of performative modes.
When trying to undo old patterns, aim to do them less frequently and catch yourself earlier, rather than beating yourself up for not immediately stopping them.
In relationships, avoid saving up grievances or “banking” issues to use as leverage or to “win” in therapy or arguments, as this is a destructive pattern.
When in a position of power, strive to lead by making others feel calm and safe, reassuring them that things are okay, rather than using yelling or intimidation.
Realize that feelings of embarrassment are self-generated, stemming from your own assumptions about what others think, and no one else has the power to make you feel embarrassed.
Engage in aspirational comparison (e.g., seeing something cool and wanting to achieve something similar) as a positive motivator, but avoid destructive envy.
If you feel comfortable in one-on-one settings but struggle with speaking or taking up space in groups, consider starting group therapy to address these specific challenges.
Clearly identify and prioritize aspects of your personal independence, such as living alone, that you are unwilling to compromise for a relationship or marriage.
Intentionally engage in activities that make you feel foolish to overcome the fear of embarrassment and embrace vulnerability.