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Comedian Aparna Nancherla on: Impostor Syndrome, Anger, Social Anxiety, and Stage Fright

Sep 20, 2023 54m 44s 28 insights
<p><em>New episodes come out every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday for free, with 1-week early access for Wondery+ subscribers.</em></p> <p>---</p> <p><a href="https://aparnacomedy.com/" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">Aparna Nancherla</a> is a writer, stand-up comedian, and actor. Her new book is <em>Unreliable Narrator: Me, Myself and Impostor Syndrome.</em> You can hear Aparna as the voice of Moon on Fox's <em>The Great North</em>, or have heard her as the voice of Hollyhock on <em>Bojack Horseman</em>. She's also appeared on <em>The Drop</em>, <em>Lopez vs. Lopez,</em> and <em>Corporate.</em> She's written for <em>Totally Biased with W. Kamau Bell</em> and <em>Late Night with Seth Meyers,</em> as well as <em>Mythic Quest</em> on Apple+.</p> <p><br /></p> <p><strong>In this episode we talk about:</strong></p> <ul> <li>How impostor syndrome relates to anxiety and depression</li> <li>Procrastination and how she sometimes feels it sets her up to do good work, even though she hates it</li> <li>The difference between standup and therapy in her life</li> <li>How she feels about the word "no"</li> <li>The sometime-burden of representing South Asians in entertainment</li> <li>What it feels like to finally put this book out into the world</li> </ul> <p><br /></p> <p><strong>Full Shownotes:</strong> <a href="https://www.tenpercent.com/tph/podcast-episode/aparna-nancherla" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">https://www.tenpercent.com/tph/podcast-episode/aparna-nancherla</a></p>
Actionable Insights

1. Prioritize Basic Self-Care

Engage in fundamental self-care practices such as therapy, medication (if prescribed), meditation, getting enough sleep, regular exercise, and staying hydrated to support overall mental health.

2. Manage Internal Critical Voices

Learn to live with insistent self-critical voices in your head by acknowledging their presence but not allowing them to take control or dictate your actions.

3. Utilize Body Tapping for Grounding

Engage in body tapping (on specific points like the side of your hand, forehead, face, chest, armpit, top of head) while acknowledging anxious feelings, then affirming self-permission to relax, to help get thoughts out of your head and feel more grounded.

4. Affirm with Body Connection

When using affirmations, combine them with physical body connection (e.g., tapping) to make them more effective and help them lodge in a way that mere verbal repetition might not.

5. Challenge Brain’s Authority

Consciously remember that your brain isn’t always the ultimate authority on what you need, even when it insists otherwise, especially when it comes to trying new coping mechanisms.

6. Acknowledge Fear, Don’t Suppress

When experiencing fear responses, welcome them and tell them to ‘chill out’ rather than pushing them away, as suppression can intensify them.

7. Identify Roots of Self-Doubt

Engage in self-reflection to identify the roots of your thinking and imposter feelings, understanding your background and how your brain developed to differentiate personal issues from external exacerbations.

8. Examine Childhood Influences

In therapy, explore how formative experiences, such as growing up in an achievement-oriented or perfectionistic household, contributed to the roots of your imposter feelings.

9. Seek Professional Therapy

Utilize therapy to become aware of what is going on within yourself, recognizing it as a valuable resource for personal understanding and growth.

10. Contextualize Imposter Feelings

Recognize that imposter feelings are often a reaction to systemic issues and unsupportive environments, not just an individual flaw, which can help in understanding their roots.

11. Engage in Deep Self-Reflection

Undertake a project like writing a book or engaging in deep self-reflection to force stern conversations with yourself about how you see yourself, which can help in coming to terms with imposter syndrome.

12. Practice Immediate ‘No’

Cultivate the habit of saying ’no’ immediately to requests or opportunities you don’t have the capacity or interest for, rather than agreeing and later canceling, by gauging your future willingness.

13. ‘No’ Empowers Against Fraud

Assertively saying ’no’ to things you don’t want to do or don’t have capacity for can harness a sense of power that actively fights against feelings of being a fraud.

14. Accept Not Chasing All Opportunities

Be comfortable with not pursuing every possible opportunity, recognizing that you don’t have to see where everything leads, and that it’s okay to decline if it’s not a good fit.

15. Cultivate Internal Meaning

Seek meaning and validation from within yourself and your own life, rather than relying on external markers of success or the approval of others.

16. Distance Work From Self-Worth

Cultivate a perspective that separates your work from your personal measurement as a person, allowing for a healthier distance that can make the work itself easier and more enjoyable.

17. Separate Role From Identity

Consciously separate your professional role (e.g., ‘I am a doctor’ vs. ‘I practice medicine’) from your core identity to achieve a more balanced and healthy sense of self.

18. Take Deliberate Career Breaks

If your identity is too wrapped up in your profession, take deliberate breaks, even if unconventional, to gain clarity on why you do what you do and what you truly get out of it.

19. Separate Art from Therapy

Understand that creative expression, even if it draws from personal struggles, is not a substitute for actual therapy; recognize that they are distinct categories with different healing functions.

20. Process Anger Healthily

Work on letting anger be present and acknowledging it as a healthy, useful emotion, rather than approaching it with fear or mistrust of its potential consequences.

21. Accept Positive Impact

Work on internalizing and accepting the notion that you can represent something empowering to others, even if you internally feel outside of groups or struggle with your own self-perception.

22. Simply Say ‘Thank You’

When receiving praise or compliments, practice responding with a simple ’thank you’ to gracefully accept the positive feedback.

23. Release Control of Creative Work

After creating and releasing a piece of work, embrace the freedom of letting go of control over how it’s received or its success, allowing yourself to move on from the turmoil of creation.

24. Recognize Procrastination Patterns

Be aware that procrastination and avoidance until the last minute can be a chosen strategy stemming from imposter syndrome and perfectionism, driven by the fear of not being good enough.

25. Beware Fear-Driven Productivity

Recognize the unfortunate feedback loop where fear and last-minute urgency can sometimes lead to good work, but this reinforces procrastination and an unhealthy reliance on stress.

26. Cultivate Daily Motivation

Actively seek methods to recreate a sense of urgency and motivation on a daily basis without having to rely on last-minute fear or adrenaline to produce your best work.

27. Address Revenge Bedtime Procrastination

Understand that staying up late (revenge bedtime procrastination) can be a way to escape daytime self-criticism and expectations, and address this by finding ways to reduce self-criticism during the day.

28. Reduce Overthinking and Proceed

Recognize your tendency to overthink and get caught in existential questions, then consciously try to proceed with tasks without excessive caution, rather than getting sidetracked by rumination.