Engage in meditation as a form of ’exercise for your brain’ to cultivate a calming influence, process thoughts better, and achieve greater peace, especially during challenging times or ruts. It can significantly improve mental well-being and reduce type-A tendencies.
To move forward from disappointments and reduce worry about the future, consciously practice staying present. Appreciate each moment as it comes, focusing on the current day to foster a healthier mindset.
Learn to let go of the need to control everything and allow nature to take its course, as suggested by Michael Singer’s work. This practice can lead to greater peace and acceptance, especially when facing uncontrollable professional or personal disappointments.
Prioritize getting sufficient sleep, as sleep deprivation is a major contributor to being on edge, rude, or short with people, and negatively impacts how you respond to others. Improving sleep can significantly enhance your civility and mindfulness.
Optimize your physical well-being through regular exercise and a healthy diet. These fundamental self-care practices contribute to better energy management, which in turn helps you interact more effectively and civilly with others.
Engage in stress-reducing activities like meditation, yoga, or spending time outdoors, as stress is the primary cause of rudeness and incivility. Managing stress primes you for more effective and positive interactions.
Prioritize self-care and energy management, which includes physical activity, proper nutrition, and mindfulness practices. This foundational self-investment enables you to have better relationships and contribute to a more positive culture.
Regardless of your position or rank, regularly evaluate your own behavior and strive for continuous improvement. This self-reflection is crucial for personal growth and for fostering civility in all aspects of life, including family and community.
Actively seek 360-degree feedback from superiors, peers, and subordinates (and even personal contacts) to uncover blind spots in your behavior. This anonymous and comprehensive feedback is ‘astonishingly helpful’ for increasing self-awareness and improving conduct.
Take the free 32-item self-assessment test available on christineporath.com to identify specific areas where you can improve your civility, such as saying ‘please’ and ’thank you’ or sharing credit. The test provides actionable behaviors for improvement.
Cultivate self-awareness about your personal ‘when factor’ – the times of day you are at your best or worst. Avoid critical conversations or responding to negative communications during your low-energy periods to prevent uncivil interactions.
When making daily choices or responding to others, ask yourself, ‘Who do I want to be?’ This question serves as a personal mantra to guide your actions and responses, ensuring they align with your desired self.
If you tend to be ’too nice’ and avoid conflict, cultivate fierce compassion and self-compassion to stand up for yourself and others. This allows you to be determined and relentless in pursuit of justice or personal needs without resorting to cruelty.
Strive to be a ‘giver’ in your professional and personal life, as givers are often the most successful, but do so wisely. Avoid being a doormat by setting boundaries and ensuring your generosity doesn’t compromise your own work or well-being.
Remember that it is entirely possible to be competitive and strive for success without resorting to cruel or unkind behavior. This mindset allows for ambition while maintaining civility and ethical conduct.
Strive for ‘radical candor’ by demonstrating personal care while directly challenging others with constructive criticism. This approach balances kindness with the necessary developmental feedback, avoiding sugarcoating while still being helpful.
Foster a culture of informal peer feedback by having team members share ’three things you do well’ and ’three things you could work on.’ This simple, courageous exchange can be highly effective for team improvement and individual growth.
If safe, directly provide feedback to an uncivil colleague or boss, perhaps by initiating a conversation about mutual strengths and weaknesses. If direct feedback isn’t possible, seek guidance from HR, their superior, or a mentor to find a safe way to convey the information.
When unable to provide feedback to a toxic individual, prioritize self-protection by minimizing interaction with them, such as working from home, moving your desk, or adjusting your hours. This prevents them from depleting your energy and negatively impacting your well-being.
Be aware of ‘de-energizing relationships’ – those that drain your energy, even if unintentionally – as they have a disproportionately negative impact compared to positive ones. Actively minimize exposure to such individuals to protect your well-being and performance.
Leaders should consciously model civil and respectful behavior, as employees often mirror their superiors’ conduct. Leading by example is crucial for fostering a positive workplace culture and ensuring that civility is embraced throughout the organization.
Leaders should not only encourage self-care among their teams but also actively role-model it themselves. This dual approach creates positive spirals, leading to better connections and a healthier organizational culture.
Clearly communicate and set expectations for respectful behavior, positive collaboration, and avoiding unconscious biases within an organization. This guides employees toward a desired culture of civility and mutual respect.
Implement civility training programs for employees, as these have been shown to improve satisfaction and reduce bullying and harassment. Focusing on respect is often more palatable and effective than other forms of sensitivity training.
Prioritize civility in the hiring process by thoroughly vetting candidates beyond standard references, including checking with direct reports or peers. This prevents the spread of uncivil behavior, which can act like a virus in an organization.
During the hiring process, observe how candidates treat support staff like parking attendants, secretaries, or interview coordinators. This reveals their true character and civility, which is crucial for preventing toxic additions to the workplace.
Implement a simple civility protocol where you make eye contact and smile when within 10 feet of someone, and say hello when within five feet. This small action can contagiously spread civility, improving interactions and even customer satisfaction.
Approach daily interactions, or ’touch points,’ with agility and mindfulness, even if they are brief. Paying attention and listening in these moments can make employees feel valued and contribute to a positive environment.
Adopt a leadership approach that is ’tough-minded on standards but tenderhearted with people.’ This means maintaining high expectations for performance while treating individuals with civility and respect, making them feel valued.
Consider pursuing work that has broader public consumption and impact, rather than solely focusing on niche academic or specialized outputs. This aligns with a desire to make a difference and reach a wider audience.
Carry a notebook to jot down thoughts or questions during conversations, allowing you to wait for the other person to finish speaking before responding. This practice helps avoid interruptions and signals that you are attentive and care.
During meditation, when experiencing discomfort or an itch, practice tuning into the raw physical sensations rather than immediately reacting. Observe both the physical data and the mind’s reactive thoughts to learn about aversion and desire.
Use the mantra ‘awareness doesn’t care’ during meditation to remind yourself that pure awareness has no preference for pleasant or unpleasant sensations. This helps you detach from aversion and desire, fostering greater ease.
During mindfulness practice, observe if you are engaging with a sensation ‘in order to make it go away.’ This ‘in order to mind’ reveals a subtle aversion, allowing for deeper, non-judgmental awareness.
If you experience significant pain during meditation and fear causing yourself harm, prioritize your physical safety by moving or getting up. The goal of meditation is not to inflict pain.
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