Learn to see others as doing their best, no matter how unskillfully, even if you don’t condone their behavior, to gain peace of mind during conflict and foster constancy in relationships.
Focus on discovering your true self in loving, as this is the most powerful thing in the world and will make you sturdy and resilient against life’s challenges.
Create a safe environment where people can be seen and cherished, as systems change when people change, and people change when they are cherished.
Practice catching yourself when you are about to demonize or be judgmental towards others, remembering to stand in awe at what people carry rather than judging how they carry it.
Instead of holding people to a bar and asking them to measure up, invite them to joy by helping them see their inherent goodness, as this is more helpful than admonition or grim duty.
Believe that everyone is unshakably good and belongs, with no exceptions; instead of labeling people as evil for bad behavior, recognize it stems from unhealth and focus on helping them find wholeness.
When considering actions or interventions, focus on what genuinely helps people rather than just what ‘works’ in the short term, as helpful actions are ultimately more effective.
To manage stress and sadness, stay anchored in the present moment and delight in the people in front of you.
Practice putting death in its place so it doesn’t have power over you; allow grief but don’t be toppled by it, and compile lists of things more powerful than death to gain internal freedom.
Strive to be fluent in ’the whole language’ of extravagant tenderness, recognizing kindness as the only non-delusional response to all situations, fostering softening and connection.
When faced with hostility, choose to walk towards it with tenderness and cherishing, rather than away, as this can soften others and foster connection.
While having consequences for actions, never permanently close the door on people; instead, invite them to return when they are ready, believing in their capacity for change.
To avoid burnout, understand that your role is not to ‘save the day’ or fix people, but to be faithful to a love that never stops loving, delighting in people without focusing on specific outcomes.
Reduce the practice of catching yourself and cherishing to ‘one breath at a time’ for constant attentiveness, rather than thinking ‘one day at a time’.
Employ mantras – useful phrases or North Stars – to consistently return yourself to the present moment and guide your behavior, thinking, and actions.
Actively work to bridge the distance created by an ‘us and them’ mentality, recognizing that separation is an illusion and striving for mutual connection.
Instead of preparing people for ’the real world’ as it is, strive to be a ‘counter-space’ that proposes a different way of belonging, community, and tenderness.
Move beyond ‘preposterous’ or ‘Neanderthal’ notions of God or spirituality, and actively seek the most spacious and expansive understanding that can positively shape you.
When engaging with religious texts or teachings, use a ‘mystical filter’ to discern what resonates as true and helpful, acknowledging that they can be inspired but imperfect.
Adopt the belief that ’love is God’s religion’ to stay anchored in joy and maintain a mystical vision of seeing things in the most expansive way.