Instead of feeding, fleeing, or numbing difficult aspects of your personality (e.g., rage, selfishness), consciously choose to look at them with clarity and warmth. This is presented as a “baller psychological move” and a “classic Buddhist thing” to address inner demons.
If you are a skeptic, try to temporarily suspend any resistance you might feel towards new ideas or advice. This openness can allow you to find otherwise compelling and practical insights.
Counteract the natural negativity bias by purposefully looking for and remembering instances of inherent goodness, such as moments of love, wonder, tenderness, or uncontrived kindness. This practice helps in “trusting the gold” within yourself and the world.
Consciously identify your deepest longings, aspirations, and what truly matters to you in life. Regularly pause to remember these core values, as this connects you to a sense of purpose and energizes your path, akin to a form of “prayer.”
Recognize your ego strategies (e.g., defensiveness, aggression, proving oneself, inflated or bad self-perception) as protective “coverings” rather than your true self. Learn to hold these coverings with kindness and reconnect with a more whole sense of your being.
Use “trust the gold” as a personal mantra or guide to remember your inherent goodness when you find yourself hooked by negativity bias or identifying with your ego’s coverings. This practice helps shift your perspective towards a deeper, embodied truth.
When experiencing feelings of shame, judgment, or unforgiveness, intentionally deepen your attention to these sensations in a somatic way. Bring gentleness and presence to these feelings, allowing space, tenderness, and awareness to emerge.
To process difficult emotions like unworthiness or shame, physically locate and feel them in your body (e.g., a twist in the heart, an ache in the belly). Sit with these bodily sensations and breathe with them to engage with the experience directly.
When sitting with difficult emotions or a sense of unworthiness, place your hand on your heart as a gesture of kindness and self-compassion. This physical act can help keep company with the experience.
After feeling difficult emotions in your body, actively listen to what the emotion needs or what message it conveys. For example, a feeling of unworthiness might need the message “trust I am lovable.”
Actively send messages of self-acceptance and love to yourself, and from a sincere place, “call on the universe” or a larger reality for loving support. This sincerity can create a “porousness” that allows love and connection to enter.
When unpleasant experiences such as shame, judgment, anger, or fear arise, acknowledge them by silently or verbally stating, “this belongs.” This act of honest acknowledgment and making peace with reality helps to open up space and cultivate tenderness.
Recognize that developing warmth and kindness towards difficult experiences often requires purposeful effort. This is especially true if you have a history of hardening, armoring, or dissociating from your body and heart.
When difficult emotions or experiences (e.g., insecurity, fear, anger, shame) spontaneously arise, avoid adding a “second arrow” of self-judgment or negative self-attribution. Acknowledge the initial pain without making yourself wrong for feeling it.
Gradually and compassionately approach the “edge” of what you can accept or feel in your experience, softening any resistance as much as possible. This practice, done at its own pace, helps expand your sense of freedom.
Employ the RAIN practice (Recognize, Allow, Investigate, Nurture) to engage with your most difficult emotions. This method helps you to cultivate a radically different relationship with these feelings, transforming them into a portal for self-discovery and living with more love.
Before deeply engaging with difficult emotions or trauma, proactively build internal and external resources that create a sense of safety and connection. This helps to develop the neuropathways and resilience needed to touch into and process what is difficult.
If you have experienced trauma and dissociation, commit to gradually and carefully re-entering and feeling the associated pain, hurt, wounds, and betrayals in your body. This process must be undertaken with sufficient resources and support to prevent re-traumatization.
When confronted with collective suffering or historical injustices (e.g., related to white supremacy), consciously shift your internal response from individual guilt to pure grieving and heartbreak. This allows for tenderness, openness, and a deeper commitment to being part of the solution.
For white individuals, actively engage with discomfort and allow for grieving related to the suffering caused by white supremacy and its conditioning. This process is presented as a necessary step to be part of the healing and to overcome “fragility.”
When inflamed by news or external events, practice “newspaper meditation”: pause, feel the anger, then open to the fear underneath it, and then to the grieving for loss, ultimately connecting to the underlying caring. This process enables responses that heal rather than perpetuate suffering.
Even when dealing with individuals whose actions are harmful or whom you might judge severely, strive to remember that an essential life force, awareness, and value lives through them. This perspective helps maintain a broader, more compassionate view without ignoring their actions.
After engaging in inner work to process your own vulnerabilities, communicate them openly and without blame to loved ones. This act can create space for them to share their own vulnerabilities, fostering deeper connection.
Practice sensing the shared “sentience” or “awareness” that animates all beings, including other people, animals, and nature. By paying attention to this common life force, the perceived boundaries of separateness can dissolve, fostering a deeper sense of connection.
Engage in a “we are friends” meditation by consciously acknowledging your relatedness to all beings, from pets and trees to animals in factory farms. This practice cultivates a profound sense of belonging, challenges speciesism, and can inspire actions that cherish all life.
When discussing sensitive topics, such as dietary choices, acknowledge and validate the potential for guilt or reactivity in others. Share your personal motivations (e.g., joy, connectedness, peace) without judgment, respecting that everyone must find their own pathway.
When struggling with persistent ego-driven personas (e.g., “special person” or “deficient self”), recognize that “a self can’t get rid of a part of a self.” Instead, practice letting go of the struggle and surrendering, allowing for non-identification and a feeling of freedom.