Make the quality of your relationships a high priority, as it is generally the strongest predictor for the overall quality and happiness of your life.
Engage in therapy to identify and move beyond early childhood adaptations (e.g., obsession, emotional detachment, rage) that may have once been protective but are now maladaptive, aiming to develop a broader range of functional adult emotional tools.
Identify the ’loyal soldiers’ – unseen, early-life adaptations like anger or self-centeredness – that once served to protect you; acknowledge their service, but consciously tell them ’the war’s over’ to prevent them from driving your adult behavior.
Reflect on what you truly worship (e.g., intellect, body, money, power) and recognize that these can be detrimental, leading to eventual decline and unhappiness. Shift focus to values like relationality that are not in decline with age.
Be willing to accept a reduction in raw performance metrics if it leads to a significant improvement in happiness, relationship quality, and being a better parent.
Integrate a meditation practice into your life for emotional health, noting that while mindfulness-based practices are generally beneficial, Transcendental Meditation (TM) may be a more suitable starting point for individuals with PTSD.
Select a meditation practice that aligns with your specific goals; for example, TM can enhance focus and calm, while mindfulness-based practices help you observe thoughts and emotions without being controlled by them.
Aim to ‘square the longevity curve’ by delaying the onset of chronic diseases like atherosclerosis and cancer, reducing accidental death risk, and avoiding smoking, which simultaneously improves both lifespan and quality of life.
Actively work on improving your cognitive, physical, and emotional health, as these three pillars are essential for living a fulfilling life, especially as physical and cognitive abilities naturally decline with age.
Create your own ‘centenarian Olympics’ by identifying the specific physical activities you want to be able to perform in your nineties (e.g., camping with great-grandkids), then base your training on these functional goals rather than current competitive metrics.
Incorporate at least three of the four essential exercise pillars for healthy aging: stability (e.g., pelvic floor work), strength training (lifting weights), Zone 2 aerobic training (3 hours/week at 75-80% max heart rate), and neuromuscular anaerobic peak training (1-3 times/week).
Prioritize obtaining 7.5 to 8.5 hours of sleep each night by establishing a fixed wake-up time and adjusting your bedtime accordingly, remembering to factor in about 30 minutes of non-sleeping time in bed.
Begin practicing intermittent fasting, specifically time-restricted feeding, by limiting your eating window to about 8 hours daily (e.g., noon to 8 p.m.) and fasting for the remaining 16 hours, as it’s a crucial nutritional tool for longevity.
Utilize meditation to become a less reactive parent, which helps you respond more calmly to your children’s challenging behaviors and triggers.
Engage in a consistent meditation practice to become less angry and reactive, particularly towards circumstances perceived as beyond your control, such as travel delays.
Recognize that your children value your attention and shared experiences (like eating together) far more than your physical appearance or personal achievements, making family presence a worthwhile trade-off.
Regularly reflect on your finite nature (aging, illness, death) to make your present life more vibrant and prevent sleepwalking through it.
Voluntarily disconnect from electronics and external communication for a period to foster presence and gain a deeper understanding of your inner state.
In meditation, view noticing a wandering mind and returning to the breath as the core practice, not a failure; apply this mindset to other life areas to embrace setbacks as opportunities for ‘bicep curls’ of effort.
Evaluate past difficult experiences by asking if you would be okay with your own child enduring them; if not, it likely indicates an unhealthy traumatic event that warrants deeper processing.
Write letters to your ‘adaptive child’ self, expressing gratitude for how it protected you through difficult times, but then firmly setting boundaries, asking it to step back and allow your functional adult self to lead.
When experiencing insomnia, rather than fighting or worrying, practice surrendering to wakefulness and accept the present moment; this shift in mindset can calm the nervous system and potentially lead back to sleep, or allow you to use the time productively (e.g., meditating).
To counter insomnia, focus on the calming aspects of meditation, such as tuning into the ease of the out-breath or performing a body scan to intentionally relax each part of your body.
When struggling with insomnia, listen to guided sleep meditations, as hearing another person’s voice can help quiet mental chatter and support the mind in drifting off to sleep.
If you feel sleepy during meditation, be patient and understand that your nervous system may be associating stillness with sleep; with continued practice, your body will learn to remain alert while calm.
If you feel sleepy during meditation, assess if there’s enough energy; try to increase alertness by sitting straighter, taking deep breaths, focusing on the energizing in-breath, opening your eyes, or even meditating while standing or walking.
If persistent sleepiness occurs during meditation, sincerely investigate whether it might be a defense mechanism to avoid uncomfortable thoughts or emotions you are not wanting to feel or deal with.
To combat sleepiness during meditation, try changing your posture to standing or walking, or switch to a more energetic technique such as loving-kindness phrases or a body scan.