<p dir="ltr">Ever lie awake at night replaying all the moments you lost it with your kids, your partner, or your co-workers? You're not alone.</p> <p dir="ltr">Bart van Melik is back on the show (his first appearance was four years ago) as our Teacher of the Month for January. Bart has one of the more interesting origin stories in the meditation world: from a small town in the Netherlands to Kenya on an exchange program (where he met his wife of 30 years), to studying in Thailand, to teaching meditation to teenagers in juvenile detention in the South Bronx.</p> <p dir="ltr">In this conversation with executive producer DJ Cashmere, we talk about:</p> <ul> <li dir="ltr"> <p dir="ltr">The difference between being mindful and knowing you're mindful (and why this matters when your 11-year-old is pushing every button)</p> </li> <li dir="ltr"> <p dir="ltr">Why awareness feels like protection</p> </li> <li dir="ltr"> <p dir="ltr">How to stop the cycle of: snap, regret, repeat</p> </li> <li dir="ltr"> <p dir="ltr">What Bart learned teaching meditation to kids in juvie who told him his meditation was "lit"</p> </li> <li dir="ltr"> <p dir="ltr">Why your kids might be your fiercest Zen teachers</p> </li> <li dir="ltr"> <p dir="ltr">The surprising power of saying "no" without aversion</p> </li> <li dir="ltr"> <p dir="ltr">How everything actually goes faster when you stop rushing</p> </li> <li dir="ltr"> <p dir="ltr">His favorite teaching from a modern-day monk: "Keep calmly knowing change"</p> </li> </ul> <p dir="ltr">Related Resources:</p> <ul> <li dir="ltr"> <p dir="ltr"><a href="https://open.substack.com/pub/danharris/p/a-pressure-cooker-for-insight-bart-a26?utm_campaign=post-expanded-share&utm_medium=web"> Bart's previous episode on insight dialogue and relational meditation practice</a></p> </li> <li dir="ltr"> <p dir="ltr"><a href="https://app.danharris.com/c/meditation-library/">New guided meditations from Bart available throughout January<br /> <br /></a></p> </li> </ul> <p dir="ltr">Join Dan's online community <a href="http://www.danharris.com/">here</a></p> <p dir="ltr">Follow Dan on social: <a href="https://bit.ly/3tGigG5">Instagram</a>, <a href="https://bit.ly/3FOA84J">TikTok</a></p> <p dir="ltr">Subscribe to our <a href="https://bit.ly/3FybRzD">YouTube Channel</a></p> <p><strong><br /> <br /></strong></p> <p dir="ltr">To advertise on the show, contact sales@advertisecast.com or visit <a href="https://advertising.libsyn.com/10HappierwithDanHarris">https://advertising.libsyn.com/10HappierwithDanHarris</a></p> <p> </p>
Actionable Insights
1. Distinguish Knowing from Known
Recognize that the awareness observing an emotion or sensation is separate from the emotion or sensation itself, offering a sense of spaciousness and protection.
2. Realize You Are Aware
Shift your attention from what you are mindful of to the fact that you are mindful, which can create more space and a feeling of protection.
3. Practice the Pause
To connect with awareness, simply pause, as this act helps you remember the present moment and access your inherent awareness.
4. Keep Calmly Knowing Change
Connect with the flow of impermanence by calmly noticing change in sensations, thoughts, and sounds, which brings ease and harmony.
5. Respond Creatively with Awareness
When triggered, use the space created by knowing you are aware to respond creatively rather than reactively, improving relational harmony.
6. Say No Skillfully
Practice saying “no” to others or to unhelpful thought loops from a place of clear, present intention, rather than aversion, to set effective boundaries.
7. Choose Engagement Wisely
In challenging moments, recognize your choice in how you engage; not “taking the bait” can lead to less conflict and smoother outcomes.
8. Aspire to Kindness & Presence
Set an intention to be as kind and present as possible, especially with loved ones, using past regrets as motivation for this ongoing practice.
9. Remember Awareness Constantly
Make a continuous effort to remember awareness, as it’s always available and makes a huge difference in interactions; also, learn from moments when you forget.
10. Pre-Pave Mindful Interactions
Before entering anticipated interactions, intentionally connect with a paused, aware state to explore new possibilities in how you engage.
11. Reflect on Real-Life Interactions
Treat everyday conversations and interactions as “relational meditation” practice, using them to reflect on experiences and apply dharma principles.
12. Observe Belly Breathing
Sit and focus your attention on the physical sensation of your belly rising with the inhale and falling with the exhale as a basic meditation technique.
13. Try the 10% Happier App
Sign up for the 10% with Dan Harris app at danharris.com to access guided meditations and Q&A sessions, utilizing the free 30-day trial.