Cultivate a nuanced vocabulary for your emotions, beyond just ‘happy, sad, pissed off,’ because accurately naming emotions helps you ask for what you need, move through difficult feelings productively, and replicate positive experiences. This practice is positively correlated with well-being and social connection, and language itself shapes your emotional experience.
Instead of attempting to ‘read’ other people’s emotions, which is often inaccurate, practice believing them when they tell you what they are feeling. This approach fosters meaningful connection by prioritizing curiosity and empathy over control or judgment, even if their experience doesn’t align with your own.
Establish clear boundaries in all relationships, stating what is and isn’t acceptable behavior, as they are a prerequisite for meaningful connection. This allows you to address manipulative behavior directly by asking about underlying needs rather than enabling it.
When you feel resentful, recognize that it often stems from envy rather than anger, indicating you desire something you’re not getting. Immediately ask yourself, ‘What do I need that I’m not asking for?’ to address the root cause and prevent planning confrontational conversations.
Learn to distinguish between stress and overwhelm, as overwhelm signifies your neurobiology cannot keep pace with unfolding events and requires a complete shutdown for recovery. If truly overwhelmed, stop what you are doing and engage in ’nothingness’ like walking outside, rather than pushing through and making poor decisions.
Recognize ’near enemies’—qualities that masquerade as virtues but actually undermine connection, such as attachment (near enemy of love) or pity (near enemy of compassion). Identifying these subtle forms of separation helps you avoid actions that corrode relationships despite appearing helpful.
Focus on deepening your connection with yourself, understanding your own emotional landscape and needs, as the depth of this inner connection directly determines your capacity for meaningful relationships with others. This self-awareness forms a virtuous upward spiral for human flourishing.
Regularly ask yourself ‘What do I need right now?’ as a fundamental self-compassion question. This simple inquiry helps you identify and address your immediate needs, whether they are rest, play, sleep, or time away, fostering self-care and well-being.
When providing feedback, structure it into two sessions: an initial conversation to discuss observations and feelings, followed by a second meeting. This allows the recipient time to process, reflect on their needs, and consider their part, preventing them from feeling flooded or overwhelmed.
Adopt a mindset focused on ‘getting it right’ rather than ‘being right’ in interactions and personal growth. This approach fosters humility, reduces defensiveness, and allows for apologies and adjustments when you fall short, leading to better outcomes.
Actively seek out experiences that challenge and scare you a little, as stepping out of your comfort zone requires courage and is essential for personal growth and finding purpose. This mindset encourages continuous learning and development.