Develop a deep understanding of your own inner emotional maps, as the depth of this self-connection dictates your capacity for connection with others, leading to an upward spiral of happiness.
Understand and name the full spectrum of your emotions to better navigate them and improve relationships, as research shows this correlates with positive well-being and social connection.
Understand that the language you use to describe emotions can actually shape your experience and neurobiology, so choose your words carefully to avoid misdirecting your body’s response.
Accurately label your emotions to effectively ask for what you need, process difficult feelings productively, and replicate positive experiences when you understand what they are.
Focus on ‘getting it right’ rather than ‘being right’ in interactions, which requires a high tolerance for discomfort and a willingness to admit when you’ve made a mistake.
For meaningful connection, believe people when they describe their experiences, rather than trying to ‘read’ their emotions or imposing your own perspective, as this fosters true connection.
Approach interactions with curiosity and a willingness to learn from others’ perspectives, rather than assuming you already know what they are feeling or experiencing, especially concerning emotions.
Set clear boundaries (what’s okay and not okay) as a prerequisite for fostering meaningful and healthy relationships, as meaningful connection requires them.
Recognize that attempting to control feelings or situations, even with good intentions, is the ’near enemy’ of connection and can drive separation instead of fostering genuine closeness.
Speak about your shame to others because shame thrives on isolation and is weakened when brought into the open and shared, making you feel less alone.
When feeling resentful, ask yourself what you need (e.g., rest, play, sleep, time away) that you are not currently asking for, as resentment often stems from unmet needs.
Ask yourself, ‘What do I need right now?’ as a fundamental question for self-compassion, to understand and address your current state.
Recognize that overwhelm is an intense form of stress where your mind can’t keep up, and its cure is ’nothingness’ or stepping away, unlike stress which can be managed differently.
If you identify as truly overwhelmed, stop what you are doing, go outside, and walk, as the only cure for overwhelm is nothingness, and making decisions while overwhelmed often leads to poor outcomes.
When confronted with perceived manipulation, set boundaries by stating what’s acceptable (‘it’s okay to ask, not okay to lie’) and then inquire into the underlying needs or beliefs driving the manipulative behavior.
When giving feedback, schedule two sessions: an initial discussion to share observations and feelings, and a follow-up session the next day to allow the recipient time to process and reflect without feeling flooded.
If you don’t show up as your best self in a conversation, circle back to apologize for your behavior and ask for another opportunity to engage more constructively, aiming to ‘get it right’.