Use the “above the line/below the line” framework to identify when fear is driving your behavior (below the line, characterized by hero, victim, or villain roles) and consciously shift to above-the-line behaviors (coach, challenger, creative).
Translate your one or two core values into specific, observable behaviors that demonstrate them, and also define behaviors that are misaligned, to ensure accountability and prevent values from being meaningless.
Build your capacity for paradoxical thinking by holding two seemingly opposing ideas simultaneously and tolerating the tension, allowing for new insights and creative solutions to emerge.
Before attempting to achieve goals, identify and address underlying dysfunctions, then “ground in” and build on function, rather than trying to build on dysfunction, for sustainable growth.
Strive for “sovereignty over your nervous system” to achieve success and navigate life’s challenges with calm and perspective, recognizing that your nervous system is undefeated.
When you catch yourself using the word “overwhelm” (world unfolding faster than your nervous system can manage), stop what you’re doing for 10-15 minutes and engage in “nothingness” such as walking, meditation, or contemplative prayer, recognizing it as the only way to recover.
Be mindful of the language you are using, especially phrases from the “drama triangle” (hero, victim, villain), as it acts as an indicator light for your emotions and can reveal fear before you consciously feel it.
Reconcile the paradox of discipline and freedom by intentionally scheduling important self-care activities like meditation, prayer, or exercise, recognizing that if it’s important, you must be disciplined to make time for it.
Adopt the practice of talking to people directly about issues rather than talking about them to others, fostering healthier communication and relationships.
To live your values (e.g., faith), maintain a “fit spiritual condition” by prioritizing eating well, sleeping well, moving well, loving well, and connecting well.
Identify your one or two core values that are so sacred they serve as the foundation for all other important aspects of your life.
Tune into your body as a barometer for what behaviors and mindsets align with your values, and take care of yourself (spiritual fitness, mental clarity) to enhance this attunement.
Use deep resentment as an “ooga, ooga light” indicator that you are not practicing your core values and are operating outside of them.
Offer help from a place of genuine generosity and loving kindness, as this is energy-giving, rather than from guilt or a need to be a “fixer,” which leads to depletion and resentment.
Be aware of and avoid “common enemy intimacy,” which is building connections by talking negatively about others not in the room, as such relationships are counterfeit and easily broken.
Demonstrate courage by confronting painful or unacceptable realities (e.g., history), owning them, and committing to knowing and doing better rather than running from discomfort.
Actively cultivate interest and engagement in deep learning, deep connection, and deep thinking to counteract superficiality and external pressures in your life.
Consider disengaging from social media to reduce disorientation and clarify your own thoughts and beliefs, free from external influence and the pressure to conform.
Practice leadership as both “poetry and plumbing” by casting an inspiring vision that motivates people, and then building operationally excellent systems to deliver against that vision.
In midlife, pay close attention to strong messages from your nervous system (e.g., insomnia, addiction, sleeplessness, injury) as indicators of how well you are taking care of it.
Engage in meditation or contemplative prayer not to escape chaos, but to remember and find your ground even amidst difficult situations, as a source of stability.