When feeling wronged, imagine how you would feel if you decided to forgive the grievance without communicating it to the perpetrator. This practice neurologically shuts down pain, reduces revenge cravings, and reactivates your self-control center, offering profound healing benefits.
Engage in a mental role-play, or use the free Miracle Court app (miraclecourt.com), to put those who wronged you on trial in your mind, playing all roles from victim to judge. This process allows you to feel heard, address accountability, and ultimately realize that revenge doesn’t bring lasting satisfaction, preparing you for true forgiveness.
If the word ‘forgiveness’ is an obstacle, reframe it as a conscious decision to let past wrongs stay in the past, preventing them from affecting your present or future. This internal commitment to ’non-justice’ (not seeking revenge) does not require pardoning, restoring relationships, or staying in toxic situations.
Understand that experiencing victimization activates your brain’s pain network, which then seeks pleasure by activating addiction circuitry with a temporary dopamine rush from revenge fantasies. This temporary pleasure quickly fades, leading to cravings and ultimately causing more anger and anxiety than before.
Realize that inflicting pain on others through revenge inevitably causes you to experience a version of that pain yourself, fitting the definition of an addiction if uncontrollable. Seeking revenge makes you feel angrier and more anxious afterward, highlighting its negative consequences for your well-being.
Extend the practice of forgiveness to political figures and groups with whom you disagree, understanding that this is crucial for societal peace and prosperity. Forgiving does not mean abandoning your views or failing to set boundaries, but rather choosing not to become a retaliatory punisher.
Make an effort to understand the internal logic and worldview of people with whom you disagree, even if you don’t agree with their views. This practice can have a calming effect, transforming blind rage into a more determined and compassionate resistance.
View revenge-seeking as an addiction and apply proven strategies like Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) to reframe inner language, or Motivational Interviewing to gain insight through self-reflection. These methods help retrain your brain to work through grievances and revenge desires.
For paid subscribers, utilize the custom guided meditation ‘For When You Want Revenge’ by Sabine Selassie, designed to practically integrate the insights discussed into your neural pathways. This offers a direct tool for managing revenge desires.
Consider attending in-person meditation retreats like ‘Meditation Party’ at the Omega Institute to deepen your practice and further explore strategies for managing difficult emotions and tendencies like revenge.