← 10% Happier with Dan Harris

An Antidote to Overwhelm and Anger | Father Gregory Boyle

Jul 21, 2025 1h 1m 28 insights
<p dir="ltr">The attitude that can help you survive the Trump era.</p> <p dir="ltr"> </p> <p dir="ltr"><a href="https://homeboyindustries.org/our-story/father-greg/">Gregory Boyle</a> is an American Jesuit priest and the founder of <a href="https://homeboyindustries.org/">Homeboy Industries</a> in Los Angeles, the largest gang-intervention, rehabilitation, and reentry program in the world. He is the acclaimed author of <a href="https://www.amazon.com/Tattoos-Heart-Power-Boundless-Compassion/dp/1439153159"> Tattoos on the Heart</a>, <a href="https://www.amazon.com/Barking-Choir-Power-Radical-Kinship/dp/1476726159"> Barking to the Choir</a>, <a href="https://www.amazon.com/Whole-Language-Power-Extravagant-Tenderness/dp/B08WG336FH/?_encoding=UTF8&amp;pd_rd_w=GPkL4&amp;content-id=amzn1.sym.0fb2cce1-1ca4-439a-844b-8ad0b1fb77f7&amp;pf_rd_p=0fb2cce1-1ca4-439a-844b-8ad0b1fb77f7&amp;pf_rd_r=141-9976842-2413604&amp;pd_rd_wg=W0IGJ&amp;pd_rd_r=2d2cb105-5674-415e-93f2-24b3e3252820&amp;ref_=aufs_ap_sc_dsk"> The Whole Language</a>, and most recently, <a href="https://www.amazon.com/Cherished-Belonging-Healing-Power-Divided/dp/1668061856"> Cherished Belonging</a>.</p> <p> </p> <p dir="ltr">In this episode we talk about:</p> <ul> <li dir="ltr">His unique understanding of God—one that even agnostics can get behind</li> <li dir="ltr">How to build communities that counteract polarization </li> <li dir="ltr">The practice of affectionate awe </li> <li dir="ltr">Father Boyle's antidotes to despair</li> <li dir="ltr">His own daily practice</li> <li dir="ltr">And much more<strong><br /> <br /></strong></li> </ul> <p dir="ltr">Related Episodes:</p> <ul> <li dir="ltr"> <p dir="ltr"><a href="https://www.danharris.com/p/can-you-really-conquer-hatred-through-4b1?utm_source=publication-search"> Can You Really Conquer Hatred Through Love? | Father Gregory Boyle</a></p> </li> </ul> <p><strong> </strong></p> <p dir="ltr">Join Dan's online community <a href="http://www.danharris.com/">here</a></p> <p dir="ltr">Follow Dan on social: <a href="https://bit.ly/3tGigG5">Instagram</a>, <a href="https://bit.ly/3FOA84J">TikTok</a></p> <p dir="ltr">Subscribe to our <a href="https://bit.ly/3FybRzD">YouTube Channel</a></p> <p><strong><br /> <br /></strong></p> <p dir="ltr">Additional Resources: </p> <ul> <li dir="ltr"> <p dir="ltr"><a href="https://www.amazon.com/Ordinary-Mysticism-Your-Sacred-Ground/dp/0063317192"> Ordinary Mysticism: Your Life as Sacred Ground</a></p> </li> </ul> <p><strong> </strong></p> <p dir="ltr">To advertise on the show, contact sales@advertisecast.com or visit <a href="https://advertising.libsyn.com/10HappierwithDanHarris">https://advertising.libsyn.com/10HappierwithDanHarris</a>.</p> <p> </p>
Actionable Insights

1. Evaluate Health, Not Morality

When evaluating others’ behavior, shift your focus from whether they are ‘good’ or ’evil’ to whether they are ‘healthy’ or ’not healthy.’ This frame allows you to resist harmful actions without vilifying the person, fostering compassion rather than judgment.

2. Resist Without Demonizing

Take strenuous action against injustice from a place of love and compassion, rather than anger or hatred. If you find yourself demonizing or making someone a villain, you are on the wrong track, as this only creates further division.

3. Dismantle Separation’s Illusion

Remind yourself that separation is an illusion and there is no ‘us and them,’ only ‘us.’ Cling to the notion that everyone is unshakably good and belongs to each other to foster unity and collaboration.

4. Insist on Inclusive Compassion

Imagine a circle of compassion and insist that nobody stands outside it, actively working to dismantle barriers that exclude. This means doing everything you can to make every person feel welcome and included.

5. Cherish Others for Transformation

Understand that systems and individuals change when people feel cherished. Actively apply a ‘bombardment of cherishing love’ to others, as this compelling dosage can transform belligerent behavior and dissolve hate.

6. Form Communities for Sanity

Create or gravitate towards intentional communities that ‘drive you sane’ by providing a constant dose of tenderness and kindness. These communities serve as a soothing presence, helping members heal and move towards wholeness.

7. Practice Affectionate Awe (Acaramiento)

Adopt a disposition of ‘acatamiento’ or affectionate awe, which means looking at others with deep attention and receiving them openly. This stance allows your heart to be altered by people, reminding them of their true selves without judgment.

8. Stand in Awe, Not Judgment

Instead of judging how people carry their burdens, stand in awe of what they have to carry. This practice applies to everyone, encouraging curiosity and understanding rather than wrathful or exacting judgment.

9. Welcome Your Own Woundedness

Acknowledge and welcome your own pain and woundedness with humility and vulnerability. Failing to do so can lead to despising the wounded in others, which is a symptom of societal unwellness.

10. Find the Thorn Underneath

When encountering difficult behavior, look beyond the surface to ‘find the thorn underneath’ – the real wound or brokenness from which it originates. This approach helps you understand the pain driving the behavior and be more helpful.

11. Lean In with Curiosity

When someone’s behavior bothers you, lean in and be curious about it rather than reacting with embarrassment or mortification. This shift from personal offense to comprehension can lead to a deeper understanding and dissolve your annoyance.

12. Catch and Comprehend Judgment

Catch yourself being judgmental, then go against that inclination by seeking to comprehend the underlying reasons for the behavior. This practice moves beyond simple compassion or empathy to a deeper understanding of causes and conditions.

13. Shift from Self-Concern to Joy

Move quickly from self-concern (e.g., ‘will I have enough?’) to concern for others (e.g., ‘does she have what she needs?’). This shift in focus is where true joy resides, pulling you out of self-absorption.

14. Be the Person Who Sees

Actively engage in seeing and acknowledging others, especially those in need. The joy in life comes not only from being seen but also from being the person who sees, offering delight and safety to others.

15. Ask: What’s the Next Loving Thing?

Throughout your day, hold the question ‘What’s the next tender, loving thing I can do?’ as a guiding principle. This practical approach helps you stay grounded in the moment and spurs you to continuous, small acts of love.

16. Add Your Light to Sum of Light

To combat overwhelm and despair about global concerns, focus on adding your own ’light to the sum of light.’ This means concentrating on what you can do right in the present moment, rather than feeling paralyzed by the scale of problems.

17. Soothe Anguish, Choose Community

Recognize that shared anguish, not just differing views, holds people in division. Actively choose community and soothing interactions to walk each other home to wholeness, health, and well-being.

18. Offer Tenderness and Kindness

Provide doses of tenderness, gentleness, and extraordinary kindness to help ease the pervasive anguish that everyone shares. This approach helps people feel soothed and supported in their struggles.

19. Act from Love, Not Anger

When taking action, ensure it is motivated by caring and loving rather than anger or hatred. Love provides a ‘cleaner burning fuel’ that is less likely to burn you out and more likely to contribute to successful, caring outcomes.

20. Embrace a Spacious ‘Sustaining Spirit’

Cultivate a notion of a ‘sustaining spirit’ or ‘ground of being’ that is always greater than any limited concept. This ‘higher power,’ however you define it, should be the core you return to in practice, allowing you to receive and love others.

21. Return to Grounding Practice Daily

Engage in a daily practice that returns you to your core grounding, allowing you to be freshly anchored. This practice enables you to receive people, listen, and allow your heart to be altered by them, preventing you from losing your grounding.

22. Be a Calming Presence

Choose to be a calming, peaceful, and kind presence for others, especially those who are stressed or carrying heavy burdens. Your anchored demeanor can help soothe those around you.

23. Surrender, Then Be the Arms

Surrender to your core being or ‘God,’ then consciously choose to embody that spirit in the world. This means receiving a tender glance and then becoming that tender glance for others, looking at things with attention.

24. Connect Mystical to Ordinary Life

Recognize that a ‘mystical view’ is not otherworldly but connected to ordinary living and the present moment. Integrate this perspective into your daily life to find deeper meaning and connection in everyday experiences.

25. Engage in Early Morning Practice

Dedicate time early in the morning, such as 2:45 AM, to personal practice, eating, and checking emails. This routine helps establish an anchored start to your day, preparing you for its demands.

26. Reconnect Breathing to Present

Throughout the day, especially during lulls, reconnect your breathing to the present moment. Find peace in every step you take, using your breath as an anchor to stay grounded.

27. Breathe In, Breathe Out Spirit

Practice ‘breathing in the spirit that delights in your being’ and then ‘breathing it out into the world.’ This metaphorical breathing reminds you that your inner peace is meant to be shared and exhaled with every loving step.

28. Remember to Cherish Consistently

Consciously remind yourself to cherish others throughout the day, as ‘cherishing is not hard, but remembering to cherish is exceedingly difficult.’ This constant recollection is key to maintaining a loving and inclusive stance.