Adopt the “good-ish” self-concept to reduce defensiveness and allow for personal growth, rather than viewing yourself as either wholly good or bad.
Do not let shame hinder your ability to clearly see, understand, and accept feedback, as equanimity is crucial for taking affirmative action.
When feeling defensive, state it aloud (e.g., “I’m feeling like defending myself right now”) to disarm the impulse and remind yourself that loved ones likely already see you as a good person.
In emotionally charged moments, give yourself a pause to regroup, remember what truly matters, and reconnect with reality before reacting.
Actively cultivate a close community of friends for invaluable support and practical wisdom, especially during overwhelming life stages like parenthood.
Model healthy, emotionally intimate friendships for your children, demonstrating that strong relationships are not limited by gender and involve sharing and processing feelings.
Be brave and take the first step towards vulnerability in new friendships by sharing an emotional statement or feeling, which can initiate deeper connection.
Practice “aging authentically” by addressing aspects of your appearance that genuinely bother you without shame, while simultaneously letting go of the pursuit of perfection for things that don’t truly matter.
Cultivate comfort with not being perfect or achieving A-plus levels at all times, recognizing that this shift can bring significant relief, especially with changing life priorities like parenthood.
Actively seek to understand your own “wiring” and how you operate, as this self-knowledge is crucial for personal growth, better functioning, and avoiding accidental harm to others.
Reflect on your reflexive, unthinking choices to gain insight into your true priorities and values, as these actions can reveal what truly matters to you.
Prioritize personal growth in high-impact areas, especially those affecting key relationships like being a partner or parent, as these require more energy and space than smaller organizational tasks.
Offer an apology for accidental hurts to acknowledge the other person’s experience, even if the action was unintentional, as it is a kind gesture.
If you are an anxious parent prone to intrusive, catastrophic thoughts, recognize this pattern and work to quiet the impulse to constantly warn your child, to avoid inadvertently transferring your anxieties.
When experiencing intrusive, catastrophic thoughts, especially in sweet moments, approach them with curiosity about their potential evolutionary purpose rather than self-blame.
If you have a partner less prone to catastrophic thinking, observe and learn from their approach to risk assessment to help balance your own anxious tendencies.
If experiencing cognitive shifts like “mom brain” or similar, immediately write down important thoughts or tasks, as they are likely to be forgotten otherwise.
When a thought about a friend comes to mind, immediately reach out to them (e.g., send a text) to maintain connections, rather than letting the thought pass.
If you struggle to say no to favors due to fear of disappointing others, acknowledge this internal process and actively work on finding ways to communicate “no” more efficiently.
Recognize potential gender or individual dynamics in communication styles, such as comfort with causing anger versus disappointment, to better understand interpersonal interactions.
If you fear long-form communication (like podcasts) due to perfectionism or fear of making mistakes, understand that personal growth and a shift in self-evaluation can make such activities less daunting.
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