← 10% Happier with Dan Harris

Alexander Dreymon (Star of Netflix's "The Last Kingdom") on: Therapy, Marriage, Anger, Masculinity, Meditation, and Being Nice (Even If You're a Viking)

Apr 10, 2023 56m 39s 24 insights
<p><em>New episodes come out every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday for free, with 1-week early access for Wondery+ subscribers.</em></p> <p><br /></p> <p>Alexander Dreymon is the star of a great show on Netflix called "<a href="https://www.netflix.com/title/80074249" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">The Last Kingdom</a>." He plays a Viking, so you're literally not going to find a guy who is more stereotypically masculine. But I've gotten to know Alexander recently and he's also incredibly thoughtful. </p> <p><br /></p> <p>We cover a lot of ground in this conversation: marriage, parenting, anger therapy, sleep, human connection, meditation, masculinity, and, uh, how to show your body on Netflix without developing body dysmorphia. We also talk a lot about his show, which is awesome, although it is coming to an end — just a few days ago, Netflix posted the series finale, a movie-length episode called "<a href="https://www.netflix.com/watch/81677472?trackId=255824129&amp;tctx=0%2C0%2CNAPA%40%40%7Cc15379ab-5160-49f0-b384-ea9e61c9637d-67726270_titles%2F1%2F%2Fseven%20kings%20must%20die%2F0%2F0%2CNAPA%40%40%7Cc15379ab-5160-49f0-b384-ea9e61c9637d-67726270_titles%2F1%2F%2Fseven%20kings%20must%20die%2F0%2F0%2Cunknown%2C%2Cc15379ab-5160-49f0-b384-ea9e61c9637d-67726270%7C1%2CtitlesResults%2C81460361%2CVideo%3A81460361%2CminiDpPlayButton" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">Seven Kings Must Die</a>" that wraps up the whole story. </p> <p><br /></p> <p><br /></p> <p>In this episode we talk about:</p> <ul> <li>how having male friends makes his romantic relationship even better</li> <li>The importance of therapy, of silliness and of kindness</li> <li>the importance of exercise in his life and how he tries not to get overly attached to his body looking a certain way</li> <li>a whole discussion between the two of us on the Buddhist idea of non-self </li> <li>what his meditation practice looks like now that he has a toddler around the house</li> <li>what it's like to wrap up his show, the Last Kingdom, and what might be next</li> </ul> <p><br /></p> <p><br /></p> <p>Full Shownotes<strong>:</strong> <a href="https://www.tenpercent.com/podcast-episode/" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">https://www.tenpercent.com/podcast-episode/-alexander-dreymon-585 </a></p> <p><br /></p> <p><br /></p> <p>Where to find Alexander Dreymon online: </p> <ul> <li>Instagram: @alexander.dreymon </li> </ul> <p><br /></p> <p>Other Resources Mentioned:</p> <ul> <li>The books of <a href="https://www.bernardcornwell.net/" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">Bernard Cornwell</a>, on which "The Last Kingdom" series is based</li> </ul> <p><br /></p> <p>Additional Resources:</p> <p>Download the Ten Percent Happier app today: <a href="https://10percenthappier.app.link/install" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">https://10percenthappier.app.link/install</a></p>
Actionable Insights

1. Prioritize Sufficient Sleep

Make getting enough sleep a non-negotiable discipline, especially during demanding periods, as it’s crucial for sustained performance and overall well-being. Alexander finds his sweet spot is 8 hours.

2. Continuously Engage in Learning

Prioritize continuous learning, whether through sports, work, or daily life, as it fosters a sense of achievement, self-worth, and overall happiness. Learning new things consistently is also vital for maintaining memory and brain health over the long term.

3. Integrate Formal & Informal Mindfulness

Integrate both formal meditation practices, such as sitting and focusing on breath, and informal mindfulness throughout your day. Cultivate an openness to experiencing awe and beauty in everyday moments, as this state of mind fosters happiness.

4. Engage in Therapy

Engage in therapy to reconnect with yourself, process emotions like anger, and address childhood trauma. A therapist can provide professional assessment, guidance, and validation, acting as a supportive figure to help navigate life’s challenges and improve relationships.

5. Practice Reflective Listening

Improve interpersonal communication by practicing reflective listening: concisely repeat what someone says in your own words, especially when they need to feel heard or when clarification is needed. This technique can significantly improve relationships and ensure mutual understanding.

6. Implement “Zero Space Policy”

In relationships, actively prevent unconscious drifting apart by immediately addressing small upsets or distances, rather than allowing them to grow into larger, more damaging issues over time. This proactive approach helps maintain closeness and prevents relationship “rot.”

7. Cultivate Vulnerable Male Friendships

Men should actively cultivate and maintain friendships where they can be vulnerable and receive emotional support. These independent friendships are crucial for overall well-being, reduce pressure on romantic relationships, and provide a vital source of love and understanding.

8. Practice Kindness & Micro-Interactions

Actively strive to operate with kindness towards everyone, including strangers, and pepper your day with positive micro-interactions. This practice is enjoyable, can improve your mood, and has a measurable impact on overall happiness.

9. “Fall in Love” with Life Daily

Cultivate an open mindset to “fall in love” with anything, everything, or anyone each day. This practice can work wonders for your happiness and overall outlook on life.

10. Cultivate Awareness Beyond Body

To navigate aging and physical changes without discomfort, cultivate an understanding that your identity is rooted in constant awareness, not just your changing body, thoughts, or feelings. Practice mindfulness to connect with this deeper sense of self.

11. Recognize Ego’s Impermanence

Reduce personal suffering by recognizing that the ego is not a solid, permanent entity but an illusion. This understanding can alleviate much suffering and inspire you to help others reduce their own.

12. Engage in Regular Exercise

Engage in regular physical exercise, even when exhausted, by forcing yourself to start; often, joy follows once the activity begins. This, combined with healthy eating, is a crucial component of a healthy lifestyle.

13. Establish Clear Boundaries

Establish and be conscious of clear boundaries in all aspects of life. This awareness helps prevent them from being overstepped, which can be difficult to recover from once it’s too late.

14. Verbalize Anger & Upsets

Suppressing anger and upsetting experiences can lead to dangerous, uncontrolled outbursts, as demonstrated by a harrowing car crash incident. It is crucial to talk about these feelings to process them healthily.

15. Layer New Habits

To effectively form new habits and counteract the tendency to revert to old patterns, “layer” them onto existing routines. For instance, practice meditation immediately after brushing your teeth to leverage the momentum of an established habit.

16. Actively Maintain Friendships

Consciously set aside time to maintain important friendships, especially long-distance ones, by making phone calls and checking in regularly, rather than relying solely on texting. This active effort is crucial for preserving valuable connections.

17. Be Open to New Friendships

Actively remain open to forming new relationships with people who inspire and invigorate you, as these connections can bring excitement and happiness into your life.

18. Embrace Silliness for Happiness

Prioritize spending time with people and in situations where you can let your guard down and be completely silly, as this uninhibited expression is a significant and magical source of happiness and connection.

19. Prioritize Kindness Despite Setbacks

Understand that the positive outcomes from practicing kindness outweigh any potential setbacks or negative experiences. This perspective encourages a continued commitment to compassionate actions.

20. Communicate Distress Calmly

When experiencing internal struggles or a bad mood, practice “interpersonal hygiene” by calmly explaining what’s happening to your partner and assuring them it’s not about them. This prevents misinterpretation and fosters healthier communication.

21. Create a Stable “Nest” for Children

Upon becoming a parent, prioritize creating a stable and nurturing “nest” or home environment for your child, recognizing the fundamental importance of providing a solid base for their development.

22. Bilingual Parenting Strategy

To help children acquire an additional language, one parent should consistently speak only that language to the child. This approach aims to provide the child with a “free” additional language.

23. Advocate for Emotional Education

Advocate for the inclusion of education on the human condition, mind’s workings, and interpersonal dynamics in school curricula. Understanding these concepts from a young age can significantly improve individual lives and relationships.

24. Insight 24

In specific creative contexts like acting, temporary sleep deprivation can make one less self-conscious and more emotionally raw, potentially aiding in delivering powerful emotional performances. This is not a sustainable practice but a temporary observation.