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A Three Part Plan for Anxiety | Dr. Luana Marques

May 24, 2023 1h 10m 46 insights
<p><em>New episodes come out every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday for free, with 1-week early access for Wondery+ subscribers.</em></p> <p><em>---</em></p> <p>The notion of "being your authentic self" might sound like too much of a tired trope, but getting real and stripping away your fears and hang-ups can help you live a more meaningful life. </p> <p><br /></p> <p>In her new book, <a href="https://drluana.com/book/" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">"Bold Move: A 3-Step Plan to Transform Anxiety into Power"</a>, Dr. Luana Marques shares her story about growing up in chaos and learning early skills of cognitive behavioral therapy that helped her cope with anxiety and live boldly. </p> <p><br /></p> <p>Dr. Luana Marques is an Associate Professor of Psychology at Harvard Medical School, a former president of the Anxiety and Depression Association of America (ADAA), and a renowned mental health expert, educator, and author.</p> <p><strong>In this episode we talk about:</strong></p> <ul> <li>Luana's personal story growing up in Brazil and struggling with anxiety as a child</li> <li>What it means to live boldly</li> <li>What is psychological avoidance and the 3 R's of Avoidance</li> <li>Luana's three step plan to transform anxiety into power</li> <li>How to be comfortably uncomfortable</li> <li>Why the brain is a faulty predictor</li> <li>Why being bold is not the same as being fearless</li> <li>Why social support is the number one buffer across any mental health issue</li> <li>How aligning your daily actions with your values can help you deal with anxiety </li> <li>How to identify your values by looking at pain</li> <li>And what Luana means by "being the water not the rock"  </li> </ul> <p><br /></p> <p><br /></p> <p><strong>Full Shownotes:</strong> <a href="https://www.tenpercent.com/podcast-episode/dr-luana-marques-604" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">https://www.tenpercent.com/podcast-episode/dr-luana-marques-604</a></p>
Actionable Insights

1. Align Actions with Values

Identify your core values and consciously align your daily actions with them, as this practice is known to decrease anxiety, reduce stress, and foster a more meaningful life.

2. Identify Values Through Pain

To discover your true values, reflect on experiences of pain or hurt, as these emotions often indicate that something meaningful to you has been violated or is at risk.

3. Approach Anxious Emotions

When experiencing anxiety or distress, practice approaching these emotions directly rather than walking away or avoiding them, as this is a key emotion regulation skill.

4. Practice Opposite Action

When anxiety tells you to avoid, deliberately choose one small action that is the opposite of what the anxiety is mandating, to gradually move towards discomfort.

5. Reframe Inner Dialogue Kindly

Practice reframing your inner dialogue by speaking to yourself with the same kindness, compassion, and authenticity you would offer a best friend, seeking a more balanced and data-driven perspective.

6. Practice Cognitive Flexibility

When upset, ask yourself, “Is there a different way to think about this?” or “Can I see this from a different angle?” to develop cognitive flexibility and reframe your perspective.

7. Be Comfortably Uncomfortable

Accept that some anxiety and discomfort may always be present, and strive to become “comfortably uncomfortable” in challenging situations to reduce avoidance and live a more meaningful life.

8. Recognize Faulty Brain Predictions

Understand that your brain often makes predictions based on past experiences to minimize discomfort, which can result in a negativity bias and a distorted view of current reality.

9. Avoid Anxiety Avoidance

Do not run away from anxiety, as avoiding it only teaches your brain that the perceived threat is real and makes the anxiety worse and more persistent.

10. Choose Discomfort Over Avoidance

Consciously choose the temporary discomfort of approaching your fears over the prolonged suffering of living a small, avoidance-driven life, as avoidance ultimately leads to greater distress.

11. Live Boldly, Embrace Discomfort

To live boldly, be your authentic self, clarify your life goals, and take daily steps towards them, embracing discomfort and bringing anxiety along rather than avoiding it.

12. Strip Away Defenses

To foster good relationships, health, and happiness, actively work to strip away your fears, defenses, habits, and ancient storylines, allowing yourself to be real and spontaneous.

13. Start with “Why” (Values)

Before undertaking any action, begin by clarifying your fundamental “why” – your core values – to ensure your subsequent “how” and “what” are aligned with your deepest purpose.

14. Strategize Value-Driven Life

Strategize your life by carefully and incrementally planning how to align your daily actions with your core values, mirroring the careful approach used when confronting fears.

15. Schedule Value Alignment

Intentionally schedule activities that align with your values into your daily or weekly routine, understanding that meaningful pursuits require deliberate planning to manifest in your life.

16. Cultivate Social Support

Prioritize and actively cultivate strong social support networks, as robust social connections serve as the number one buffer against mental health problems.

17. Distinguish Support from Enabling

Carefully evaluate your social support to ensure it genuinely propels you towards your goals rather than enabling avoidance, recognizing the fine line between helpful support and detrimental enabling.

18. Act Immediately on Small Steps

To prevent anticipatory anxiety from escalating, identify one small, manageable step you can take now towards approaching a feared situation, rather than ruminating.

19. Gradual Exposure, Not White-Knuckling

When facing fears, use exposure therapy with slow, gradual steps rather than attempting to muscle through overwhelming situations, as this gentle approach is more effective for training your brain.

20. Stay With Your Edge

Once you identify the limit of your comfort zone, continue to engage with that level of discomfort to reinforce learning and prevent regression.

21. Experience Panic Sensations

When in a state of panic, do not attempt to rationalize your way out; instead, allow yourself to experience and approach the physical sensations to retrain your brain that there is no actual danger.

22. Examine Your Self-Talk

When experiencing anxiety, pause to examine your internal dialogue, recognizing that your thoughts are not always factual and can be distorted.

23. Challenge Anxious Thoughts

Actively challenge anxious thoughts by questioning if there’s an alternative perspective and reminding yourself that thoughts are not necessarily facts.

24. Acknowledge Anxiety, Show Up

Even with strategies like shifting and approaching, acknowledge that anxiety may persist, but commit to showing up fully in your life despite its presence.

25. Anxiety as Curiosity Signal

Consider reframing anxiety as a signal for curiosity, viewing it as an opportunity to explore what might be important or worthy of your attention.

26. Meditate to Observe Anxiety

Engage in meditation to practice sitting with and observing anxious sensations and thoughts without reacting or avoiding them, which is a powerful way to build resilience.

27. Pause, Communicate Hurt, Set Boundaries

When feeling threatened or hurt, pause before reacting impulsively; instead, clearly communicate your feelings and set boundaries, such as stating you are not ready to talk about it yet.

28. Break Avoidance Patterns

Identify your recurring patterns of avoidance and make a conscious decision to break them when they no longer serve you, as these habits can keep you stuck.

29. Identify Psychological Avoidance

Recognize any behavior whose primary function is to quickly lower emotional discomfort, as these actions constitute psychological avoidance and can lead to long-term stagnation.

30. Beware Impulsive Reacting

When feeling anxious, avoid reacting impulsively to eliminate the threat or discomfort, as this behavior is a form of avoidance that often lacks thoughtfulness and can lead to negative outcomes.

31. Avoid Anxious Retreating

Do not retreat from discomfort by overthinking or procrastinating, as this mental avoidance keeps you stuck in anxious patterns and prevents meaningful action.

32. Break Free From Remaining

Do not remain frozen or paralyzed in anxious situations like disliked jobs or relationships, as this form of avoidance prevents essential change and prolongs unhappiness.

33. Model Anxiety Coping for Kids

Parents should openly acknowledge their anxiety and model an approach-oriented mindset when facing fears, demonstrating to children that anxiety exists but can be managed.

34. Avoid Value Misalignment

Be aware that living a life that feels “wrong” or misaligned with your core values, whether professionally or personally, can significantly amplify anxiety and distress.

35. Gradually Align Trapped Situations

If you feel trapped in a situation, look for small, gradual ways to shift your actions from pure obligation towards activities that resonate more with your values, finding meaning even in difficult circumstances.

36. Envision Value-Driven Life

Regularly ask yourself, “What would my life look like if I did what mattered most to me?” to gain clarity on your deepest values and guide your life’s direction.

37. Embrace Multiple Motivations

Recognize that various motivations, such as financial stability or recognition, can coexist with and complement your core values, rather than polluting them.

38. Prioritize Values Flexibly

Maintain a diverse set of values and flexibly prioritize them according to the current season of your life, avoiding the narrow focus on a single driving value.

39. Include Self in Impact

Understand that “impact” encompasses positive change for yourself, as personal well-being and growth are crucial for effectively helping others and aligning with your values.

40. Apply Values to Self First

Begin by applying your values to your own life and well-being, as personal alignment is a prerequisite for effectively living those values for the benefit of others.

41. Prioritize Personal Health

Make your personal health and well-being a priority, as it serves as a fundamental step that enables you to pursue other values and make a broader impact.

42. Take Next Small Step

When experiencing pain or difficulty, focus on doing the next necessary thing to improve your situation, aligning your actions with your values and demonstrating a strong work ethic.

43. Be “The Water” (Flexible)

Cultivate flexibility and adaptability, like water, to navigate obstacles and challenges by finding alternative paths and shaping your approach rather than rigidly resisting.

44. Flow with Life’s Winding Path

Embrace cognitive flexibility and allow yourself to flow with the non-linear journey of life, understanding that aligning with your values is a winding path, which ultimately leads to greater well-being.

45. Avoid Being “The Rock”

During times of change or transition, avoid rigidity and clinging to old ways; instead, embrace flexibility to prevent being stuck and paralyzed between past and future.

46. Utilize Exposure Therapy

For anxiety and panic, exposure therapy is an effective method to gradually confront fears and train the brain that perceived threats are not real dangers.