Recognize all your internal parts and strive to relate to them from your ‘Self’ (capital S), which is described as the sanest, calmest, clearest, and most compassionate aspect of your mind.
Welcome and acknowledge all your internal parts, even the ones you dislike, with warmth and recognition that they are trying to protect you, which can lead to them becoming more compliant.
To foster love and compassion, think of your internal parts (e.g., the ego) not as vilified entities, but as little inner beings trying their best to keep you safe, even if misguided.
Instead of labeling parts of yourself (like an inner critic or a part that numbs out) as bad or broken, understand that they are genuinely trying to help you get your needs met.
Recognize that manager parts (e.g., inner critic, perfectionist) and firefighter parts (e.g., addiction, distraction) are both trying to protect you from pain, even if their methods are unskillful or destructive.
When you notice a specific part of your personality has taken over, ask yourself what that part is trying to accomplish or what it needs right now to understand its underlying motivation.
When trying to work with a specific part (e.g., a critic), ask any other parts that have an ‘attitude’ about it (e.g., hate, fear) to step aside and create space, allowing your calm, confident, and compassionate Self to emerge.
Resist the cultural instinct to ‘just move on’ from trauma memories and emotions, as this can lead to abandoning the most hurt parts of yourself and losing contact with their wonderful qualities.
Understand that every part of your mind, before being hurt by trauma, possesses valuable talents and resources that can help you in your life.
Instead of fighting or trying to shoo away protective parts (often called ‘demons’ in some traditions), ‘feed’ them with understanding and kindness to help them calm down, relax, and transform.
Practice mindfulness and self-awareness by including a mixture of warmth and non-judgmentalism towards your internal experiences, as aversion hinders true mindfulness.
Recognize that your mind has different modes or parts (e.g., angry, jealous, calm, happy) and develop a healthy relationship with them to improve your mental well-being.
When parts separate, your true ‘Self’ emerges, characterized by qualities such as calm, confidence, compassion, curiosity, clarity, courage, creativity, and connectedness, which you can access and cultivate.
Use Dr. Schwartz’s Internal Family Systems Workbook to access great tools for learning about your own internal parts and developing strategies to deal with them effectively.
Become a paid subscriber at danharris.com to access a growing library of guided meditations customized to the Monday and Wednesday podcast episodes, serving as a ’lab’ for practice.