Learn to be aware of what’s going on within you while also being mindful of another person in front of you, allowing you to be present with your body-mind and open to others. This practice bridges the gap between internal self-awareness and how you are with other people, addressing a common source of suffering.
In conversations, deliberately pause (either by stopping speaking or internally shifting attention) to reconnect with your body and notice any internal sensations like tension. This helps you remember to be present, gather information about the situation, and break habitual, unmindful responses, especially with close family members.
After pausing and noticing tension (physical or mental), actively try to soften physical tension (e.g., softening your belly, loosening your jaw, letting shoulders hang) and adopt an attitude of receiving or allowing what’s happening. This fosters kindness and creates space to bear witness, promoting healing for what the pause reveals.
Practice expanding your field of awareness by first focusing internally (feeling your body), then slowly opening to external experiences (e.g., sounds, sights in nature like daffodils) while maintaining a connection to your internal self. This trains your ability to balance internal and external attention, which is crucial for relational presence.
Before speaking, check if what you are about to say is true, useful/helpful, kind, and timely/appropriate, as taught by the Buddha. This practice, supported by presence in the relational field, allows for spontaneous and skillful communication rather than habitual reactions.
When experiencing difficult emotions or self-judgment, acknowledge that these are often universal human experiences, not unique to you. This communal recognition can reduce feelings of isolation and foster compassion for yourself and others.
Identify and engage in activities where cultivating presence feels natural and easy, even if it doesn’t look like traditional sitting meditation (e.g., mindful swimming, movement). This creative approach increases the likelihood of establishing and maintaining a consistent mindfulness practice.
Shift your mindset from viewing mindfulness and meditation as “work” to “play.” This perspective encourages repetition, reduces fear of mistakes, and brings a sense of joy and engagement, making the practice more sustainable and enjoyable.
In important discussions, especially on topics like social injustice, become sensitive to the impact of your silence. Recognize that remaining quiet can sometimes be a form of hiding behind privilege, and relational mindfulness can reveal this impact.
When you notice yourself becoming mindful or “waking up” in the midst of daily activities, acknowledge and appreciate it as a sign that your practice is working. This shifts focus from self-judgment to recognizing progress and fostering joy.
Pay close attention to non-verbal communication from others, such as vocal pitch, speech speed, and physical gestures. This deepens your understanding of the relational field and helps you respond more appropriately and timely.
Adopt the word “pause” as a personal, internal reminder or mini-mantra to trigger moments of presence and connection to your body throughout your day. This helps integrate mindfulness into daily living.
During conversations, make the co-created space or “field between” you and others an object of your mindfulness, noticing the emerging connection, curiosity, or kindness. This keeps you engaged in the present moment of the relationship.
Experiment with consciously shifting your mindfulness between internal sensations (e.g., your own body) and external observations (e.g., another person’s movements or breathing). This empowers you to adjust your attention based on what’s most helpful in a given relational situation.
Practice deep listening by allowing others to speak fully without interruption, trusting that your own responses will emerge spontaneously when it’s your turn. This fosters more authentic and less pre-planned interactions.
Practice observing the breath of others (e.g., a child, a stranger on a train) while simultaneously feeling your own breath. This visceral experience helps to understand that fundamental human experiences like breathing are shared, not individually owned.
Adopt the Buddha’s teaching to his son: repeatedly reflect on what you say, do, or think, checking if it causes harm to yourself or others. This continuous self-reflection, like using a mirror, guides you toward skillful and non-harming conduct.