← 10% Happier with Dan Harris

A Deeply Healthy Kind of Perfectionism | Jetsunma Tenzin Palmo

Feb 8, 2021 1h 6m 18 insights
<p>We have talked a lot on this show about how perfectionism can have pernicious impacts on your psyche. Today we're going to talk about how, by contrast, a certain kind of perfection is very much worth aiming for. We're diving into another Buddhist list in this episode: the six paramitas, or the six perfections. These are six mental skills that you will never perfect, most likely. But simply working on them can confer massive benefits. My guest is Jetsunma Tenzin Palmo. She was born Diane Perry in England, but 55 years ago, she traveled to India, where she ordained as a Tibetan Buddhist nun. At one point, she quite famously spent 12 years living and practicing in a cave in the Himalayas. She's now the Founding Director of the Dongyu Gatsal Ling Nunnery in India. We start by discussing her extraordinary life. Then we dive into the six paramitas. We talk about: why patience is a kind of armor, why we need other people to push our buttons, the importance of dissolving the small self to get to the perfection that lies beyond, how to convince your ego to walk this path, and why she thinks a sense of humor should be the seventh paramita. Full Shownotes: https://www.tenpercent.com/podcast-episode/jetsunma-tenzin-palmo-322</p>
Actionable Insights

1. Dissolve Small Self for Vaster Consciousness

To realize your true, perfect nature, work to dissolve the ‘small self’ or ego. This opens you up to a vaster, non-dual awareness that is interconnected and primordial.

2. Integrate Practice into Daily Life

View your entire daily life – including interactions, work, eating, walking, and thinking – as your spiritual practice. This approach allows for continuous transformation and growth, rather than sequestering spiritual life to formal meditation or religious activities.

3. Cultivate Six Perfections

Systematically develop the six paramitas: generosity, ethics, patience, enthusiastic effort, meditation, and wisdom. These qualities are essential for reaching your full enlightened potential and living skillfully.

4. Befriend Your Ego

Develop loving kindness and a friendly, well-balanced relationship with your ego. The Buddha taught to send good thoughts to ourselves first, making us good companions to ourselves to encourage walking the path with confidence.

5. Observe Thoughts Mindfully

Practice mindfulness to observe your thoughts and feelings without becoming completely involved or carried away by them. This helps you realize you are not your mind and leads to deeper levels of awareness.

6. Inquire into “What is Knowing?”

Ask yourself, ‘What is knowing all of this?’ (e.g., sounds, sights, bodily sensations) to glimpse the primordial awareness beyond the small self. Approach this inquiry gently, as looking too hard can hinder the experience.

7. Use Breath to Recenter

When feeling upset, irritated, or stressed, bring your attention back to your breath. Take three deep breaths, holding briefly and then releasing, to dissolve tightness and return to a centered, open state.

8. Appreciate Difficult People

View challenging people and situations as invaluable opportunities to cultivate patience, tolerance, and forbearance. They push your ‘buttons,’ revealing areas where you need to grow.

9. Practice Patience as Openness

Understand patience as an open expansiveness of feeling, rather than a tense, uptight suppression of irritation. Relax and be open, allowing things to be without letting them upset your inner balance.

10. Manage Your Responses

Recognize that external events or other people don’t inherently hurt you; it’s your internal response to them that causes suffering. Focus on managing your own reactions to maintain inner peace.

11. Start Small, Build Habits

When making efforts towards personal or spiritual goals, begin with short, simple steps and gradually build up as they become habitual. Avoid being overly ambitious to prevent discouragement.

12. Persist Without Discouragement

When you encounter setbacks or ‘fall down’ in your practice, stand up again and continue without getting discouraged. Consistent, gentle effort is key to long-term change.

13. Focus on One Area

To avoid overwhelming yourself, choose one particular area or shortcoming to work on at a time. Focus on it slowly and steadily until it becomes a habitual change.

14. Cultivate Sense of Humor

Develop a strong sense of humor, as it helps maintain proportion, prevents taking oneself too seriously, and fosters joy even amidst suffering.

15. Share Time, Care, Understanding

Practice generosity not only with material possessions but also by sharing your time, caring presence, and understanding (Dharma or insight into life) with others.

16. Embrace Joy of Giving

Actively seek and accept the genuine joy that comes from giving and sharing with others. This openness of hands and heart is a fundamental step on the spiritual path.

17. Offer Kind Words and Smiles

Recognize the profound impact of simple acts of kindness. Even a kind smile or a kind word can significantly change someone’s entire day.

18. Prioritize Genuine Connection

Actively seek out and engage in genuine human connection, as the collapse of social interaction and over-reliance on mobile devices contribute to widespread depression and anxiety.