Approach confidence not as a destination to be reached or a trait to possess, but as an ongoing practice that you continuously engage in.
Understand that personal growth and dealing with life’s complexities are less about finding definitive solutions and more about committing to an ongoing path or practice.
The initial step in addressing any issue, such as a lack of confidence, is to acknowledge the underlying dissatisfaction, confusion, or struggle, including insecurity.
Practice “holding your seat” by staying present and grounded when faced with difficult experiences, whether pleasant or uncomfortable, without being knocked off balance.
Understand confidence as a deep resilience that allows you to maintain composure and stability in the face of any life event, rather than as cockiness or a comparative measure against others.
Allow yourself to fully experience pain without adding voluntary suffering or resistance, which paradoxically can lead to less overall suffering and a quicker recovery.
By cultivating mindfulness, you can also experience pleasure more completely and appreciate it more deeply, rather than just scrolling past it metaphorically.
Avoid the trap of imposter syndrome by not allowing the pursuit of perfect, egoless action to prevent you from doing good or taking beneficial steps.
Channel your ego’s energy and desires in service of a greater good (bodhicitta), allowing it to be a force for positive impact rather than a self-serving drive.
Resist the urge to constantly compare your successes and failures to those of others, especially in areas like relationships or personal growth where competition is often unhelpful and exacerbates feelings of inadequacy.
Actively practice sympathetic joy (mudita) as a method to work with envy and jealousy, consciously flipping the frame when someone else experiences success.
Transform feelings of jealousy or envy by reframing the successful person not as a source of exasperation, but as a source of inspiration to improve yourself.
Regularly contemplate the experience of aloneness and the inevitability of being forgotten, using this reflection to clarify what kind of positive influence you want to have, independent of recognition.
Strive to use any influence or platform you possess in a way that is detached from the need for personal recognition, focusing instead on the inherent value of your actions.
Build resilience by cultivating good external supports like friends, developing a strong self-compassion practice, resting in awareness, and connecting with the sense of lineage or ancestors who “have your back.”
When speaking, ensure your words are true, useful, and delivered at the appropriate time, and also kindly, acknowledging the other person’s effort and humanity.
Before offering any feedback, praise, or criticism, consider whether the recipient is in a state or context where they can genuinely receive and process it.
When anticipating feedback or criticism, mentally prepare for the possibility of discomfort or “ouch,” understanding that some part of it is likely to sting, and this expectation helps manage the impact.
Actively cultivate relationships with people who provide validation and support, as this is crucial for balancing the negativity bias and being able to process criticism constructively.
When facing intense or uncomfortable situations, settle in by finding points of relative safety and tuning into the present sensory experience to shift your perception and manage panic.
Practice Wind Horse meditation, a brief Tibetan Buddhist technique, as preparation before engaging in difficult tasks or showing up in challenging situations to rouse confidence and inner resources.
To perform the Wind Horse meditation, first bring your attention fully to the heart center, then soften that focus and feel your heart, and finally, expand your awareness in all directions from the heart.
Incorporate Wind Horse meditation into your daily routine, either at the end of a longer morning session or before specific challenging events like difficult meetings, especially when feeling deflated.
In meditation or daily life, consciously “take your seat” by arranging your posture to be comfortable and grounded, embodying an energetic quality of arriving and claiming your rightful spot on earth with confidence.
To ground yourself, especially after intense mental activity, consciously bring your energy down from your head and ears to connect with your physical body and your spot on the earth.
Counter the era of performative confidence by openly discussing your struggles, committing to work with your heart and mind, and showing up to face challenges honestly.
To deeply understand a topic, combine insights from various sources such as ancient teachings, personal experience, and modern psychological movements.
When discussing complex topics, recognize that there are often different valid answers or interpretations depending on the angle from which they are viewed, reflecting a deeper understanding.
When seeking feedback, carefully consider who you are asking and their specific expertise or perspective, especially depending on the stage of your project or idea.
When giving feedback, prioritize praising people’s efforts and attempts, as this fosters encouragement and resilience more effectively than solely focusing on perfect outcomes.
Recognize the significant impact your praise and criticism have on others, and consciously consider how and when you choose to speak.
Resist the urge to offer unsolicited opinions or feedback, and instead, wait until people specifically ask for your thoughts, recognizing the importance of timing and consent.
It is appropriate to provide feedback to others when their behavior or actions directly impact you or are genuinely your concern.
When engaging in dialogue on social media, prioritize establishing trust by communicating understanding and care for the other person, even when expressing disagreement.
Instead of mindlessly scrolling, consciously engage with and appreciate the creative, brilliant, and meaningful content on social media to develop a wider range of appreciation.
When putting yourself out there, cultivate a sense of self-acknowledgment for having done your practice and shown up to the effort, regardless of the outcome.
When you find yourself comparing your situation to someone else’s success, use that moment as an opportunity to tune in and identify what specific longings or desires it reveals within yourself.
Beyond competitive arenas, consciously appreciate the successes of others and reflect on what they are doing well, allowing their achievements to inspire your own growth and efforts.
When choosing writing topics, focus on subjects you have personally worked with and struggled with, as this approach allows for deeper exploration and connection.
When sharing knowledge, use caveats to clarify the limits of your expertise and protect both yourself and the listener from potential misunderstandings or mistakes.
Cultivate confidence by trusting your own experience and your ability to face and respond to whatever challenges your mind or the world presents.
Recognize that genuine humility (acknowledging what you don’t know) and true confidence (firmly trusting what you do know) are complementary aspects of self-awareness.
If you are not offered a place, assert your right to be there by showing up and claiming your spot, embodying the belief that you belong and can participate.
Engage in mindfulness of the body to cultivate a practice of becoming less reactive to both pleasant and painful sensations, fostering greater equanimity.
When communicating, always strive to speak kindly, ensuring your words acknowledge the other person’s effort and humanity, even if you are delivering difficult truths.