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A Buddhist Approach to Patience | Dzigar Kongtrul Rinpoche

May 31, 2021 48m 18s 15 insights
These are not hospitable times for the mental skill of patience. Instant gratification has never been more thoroughly scaled. You can order food, taxis, and shampoo from your phone. Streaming services autoplay the next episode of whatever show you're binging. You can ask Siri or Alexa for the weather, the latest sports scores, or the dating history of Paul Rudd. And on a deeper level, of course, global tumult is trying our patience -- with the pandemic, political polarization, climate disruption, and cultural divides over race, gender, and more.  My guest today comes armed with great tools we can all use to exercise a muscle that, for many, is badly atrophied. As you'll hear him explain, the Buddhist approach to patience goes way beyond grin and bear it; instead it's about developing a mind that can work positively with whatever is bothering us. Dzigar Kongtrul Rinpoche grew up in a monastic environment in Northern India. His father was said to be the third incarnation of a great Tibetan master. His mother was his first teacher -- a renowned practitioner who completed thirteen years of solitary retreat before she got married. Rinpoche now lives in the U.S. -- in southern Colorado, where he has a mountain retreat center called Longchen Jigme Samten Ling. His students include former guests on this show, such as Pema Chödrön, the best-selling Buddhist author, and Elizabeth Mattis-Namgyel, a teacher and author who is also his wife. Rinpoche has a new book out called Peaceful Heart: The Buddhist Practice of Patience. In this interview we talk about: how to define patience from the Buddhist lens; what practices he suggests for getting better at patience; the difference between patience and passivity; the challenges he still faces in the patience arena; and the role of patience in eating and in enduring physical pain.  Also: We're offering 40% off the price of a year-long subscription for the Ten Percent Happier app until June 1st. Visit https://www.tenpercent.com/may to sign up today. Full Shownotes: https://www.tenpercent.com/podcast-episode/dzigar-kongtrul-rinpoche-351
Actionable Insights

1. Train During Good Times

Establish and diligently practice meditation or other beneficial routines during calm, non-crisis periods, as in a crisis, you will fall back on your existing training rather than your expectations.

2. Embrace Bodhichitta as Core

Make Bodhichitta your main practice by consciously maintaining a tender heart and universal love for all beings, actively shifting away from self-centered habits to spread love and concern.

3. Cultivate Universal Love

Practice ‘matriya’ (loving-kindness) by cultivating a tender heart and wishing all humanity to be happy and free from suffering, using your own longing for happiness as a reference to project this emotion to others.

4. Practice Compassion (Karuna)

Engage in ‘karuna’ practice by connecting with the suffering of others, feeling their pain and loss, and wishing for them to find relief and peace, using your own desire to be free from pain as a reference.

5. Redefine Patience: Proactive Engagement

View patience not as passive endurance, but as actively engaging with what’s bothering you by being present with physical, mental, and emotional states, constructively responding rather than reacting blindly.

6. Assess Problem Actionability

When faced with a problem, determine if you can remedy it; if so, apply skillful means to find a solution without losing temper. If not, relax, accept the situation, and engage in hobbies or deepen meditation.

7. Trust Emotional Transience

When agitated, consciously acknowledge that the emotion will subside and you will work through it, rather than immediately reacting. This awareness softens the experience and makes it less compulsive.

8. Use Breathing and Create Space

In moments of agitation, use a breathing technique and take time off to create space to settle your mind and emotions, avoiding the urge to react immediately, which often worsens the situation.

9. Practice Non-Judgment of Thoughts

When thoughts and emotions arise, avoid judging them, recognizing them as random and transitory. Allowing them to be without self-criticism prevents additional problematic challenges.

10. Connect with Panoramic Awareness

Progress beyond focused concentration to an expanded, panoramic awareness where thoughts and emotions arise and cease without enmeshment, leading to a lucid, present, and peaceful state of ’nature’.

11. Unwind Karmic Wind with Stillness

To counteract the feeling of rushing or ‘karmic wind,’ practice stillness for 15-20 minutes to allow this energy to unwind. Hugging your knees with your palms can be a helpful posture to calm the nervous system.

12. Simmer with Physical Pain

During meditation, practice ‘simmering’ with physical pain by observing it without getting enmeshed, recognizing its transitory nature. If pain becomes too intense, it is advisable to change your posture.

13. Identify Reactivity Triggers

Understand that factors like physical fatigue or lack of sleep can contribute to sensitivity and reactivity. Take time to sort out what’s truly going on to avoid misattributing the cause of your annoyance.

14. Eat Mindfully with Appreciation

Approach eating with a deep sense of appreciation for the food and its nourishment, consciously creating a connection to the act of eating mindfully, transforming mealtime into a meditative practice.

15. Evaluate Technology’s Role

Reflect on and consciously determine the appropriate amount of technology use in your life, distinguishing between productive and healthy engagement versus excessive use that consumes precious time unproductively.