Recognize that discomfort is a normal and necessary part of being alive and pursuing a meaningful life, rather than something to be avoided or suppressed.
Approach your difficult thoughts, emotions, and stories with curiosity, compassion, and courage, allowing you to take values-connected steps in your life.
View your emotions as valuable data that signpost what you care about, but understand they do not define or direct your actions; you own your emotions, they don’t own you.
Accept difficult emotions in yourself and others by ‘dropping the rope’ of internal struggle, recognizing that acceptance is an active choice to be with what is, not passive resignation.
Be compassionate with yourself during difficult experiences, recognizing that ‘it’s hard to human’ in a constantly changing world.
Create space between yourself and your emotions by noticing them as ’thoughts, emotions, and stories’ (e.g., ‘I’m noticing that I’m feeling sad’) rather than identifying with them (e.g., ‘I am sad’).
Instead of using broad terms like ‘stressed’ or ‘angry,’ ask yourself for two other specific emotion words to describe what you’re feeling, which helps discern the precise cause and proper next steps.
In the space created by stepping out from emotions, connect with your core values and intentions to guide your actions and choices, rather than being swayed by social contagion or fleeting emotions.
Spend 10 minutes writing about your core values and purpose (e.g., how you want to parent, lead, or shape your community) to bring them front and center and protect against social contagion.
Ask yourself daily, ‘What did I do today that was worthwhile?’ to discern your values, recognizing that worthwhile actions often involve discomfort, not just happiness or fun.
Reflect on what you would want your last day to be like to uncover your deepest values and priorities.
When experiencing a difficult emotion, ask what that emotion signals about your underlying values and needs, using it as data to understand yourself better.
Actively move towards your values by viewing them as ‘qualities of action’ that guide your daily choices, rather than abstract concepts.
Recognize the hundreds of daily ‘choice points’ where you can consciously choose to move towards or away from your values (e.g., using your phone at dinner, connecting with a loved one, having a difficult conversation).
Focus on making small, consistent changes (’tiny tweaks’) that align with your values, as these incremental shifts accumulate to create significant, positive differences over time.
Make a small, consistent effort to connect with loved ones, such as genuinely asking about their day and offering physical affection, to strengthen relationships over time.
Understand that courage is not the absence of fear or false positivity, but rather the act of moving forward and taking action despite feeling fearful.
See others and yourself with acceptance and love, recognizing that internal pain often manifests externally if not addressed.
Have curious, compassionate, and courageous conversations with yourself to better equip you for conversations with others and navigate the world effectively.
Avoid dismissing or minimizing discomfort in yourself or others (especially children) to allow for the development of skills in seeing and navigating difficult emotions effectively.
When someone is struggling, hold space for their pain, ask questions, and be present with them instead of pushing for immediate solutions or false positivity.
When a team member expresses a ’negative’ emotion like worry, try to discern the underlying value they are holding (e.g., caring about the client or outcome) instead of dismissing them.
Explore Susan David’s TED Talk (‘The gift and power of emotional courage’), her book ‘Emotional Agility,’ and the free online quiz on her website to further understand emotional agility and identify your personal values.